On the expression of love
Love. It is quite an uncomfortable feeling. It is like a flu.
Every time I see an old couple, I feel love. The old man helps the lady stand up. Then when she stands up, she helps him get the coat and gives him his stick. Now the old lady, who cannot move the purse behind her back, is helped by the old man, to straighten it. At the very moment, the old lady spots the old man's collar and mends it. They gently smile. I watch them with watery eyes as they exit the coffee shop.
Love makes people poets, artists, and writers. It is like they have a feeling, they cannot contain and they want to bring it out, searching inside their hearts and manifesting it, only to change it the moment they show it.
Napoleon's last words were : La France, l'armée, tête d'armée, Joséphine … His love for Joséphine is one of the central branches of the new Ridley Scott movie. Love, as it seems, is like an attachment that makes the mind oscillate between catharsis and suffering. Suffering is caused by distance, compromise, and envy. Then eventual catharsis of union, care, and sharing.
Expression of love is an interesting topic in itself. What are the affordances a culture provides for love to be expressed? How do cultures protect love and ... how do they prevent undesirable love? These restrictions are unique to every culture's understanding of love. Love between genders, love between status, love among individuals, absence of love, obscenity of love. Many of the pressing personal issues, we are struggling with, can be found at this intersection.
Unfortunately, I will be politically correct today, and since, I do not understand this enough at a global level, I will abstain from commenting further.
You mix these things and you can probably make most of the movies whose central theme is Love. I imagine that the fact that humanity cannot understand this psychosis called love, has led us to make so many cultural artefacts exploring love.
For the purpose of our discussion (or whatever is happening here), let's focus on cinema. Let us assume that cinema is a credible reflection of love expression in societies. I will be very ignorant here, and just cite differences between Bollywood and Hollywood. The films cited here are from the 90's and 2000s.
Bollywood is a genre, which largely seems to explore love. As an Indian, one's idea of love is largely shaped by some hopeless, yet heartful romantic movies which puts society in the middle of the love and those involved.
I would now start quoting from Wikipedia on what these movies are themed upon : The flagship of this genre is DDLJ:
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge repeats the usual conservative agenda of family, courtship and marriage, but it proposes that Indian family values are portable assets that can be upheld regardless of country of residence. To prove this, Raj, an NRI who was brought up in London, is portrayed as the story's "good guy", whereas Kuljeet, raised in India, is portrayed as the villain. This is a reversal of the roles in typical Indian films, which usually portray Indians as being morally superior to Westerners. Here, NRIs are validated as potential model Indian citizens
Now the musical, Taal :
On the wedding day, Vikrant realises Mansi still loves Manav. He assures her they can still be friends, and urges her to honour her love to Manav. Jagmohan and Tara also give their blessings; Manav and Mansi finally get married. The Mehtas take a family picture after the wedding.
Now to a lesser known one, but again, expression of love, Fiza. I mean look at the tragic things that happen.
Amaan is sent on a mission to kill two powerful politicians; when he does succeed in assassinating them, his own terrorist group tries to kill him. He escapes, and Fiza follows him. They confront each other, and with the police closing in on him, Amaan asks Fiza to kill him. As a last resort to give him an honourable end, Fiza kills her brother.
I love the word, Fiza /فضا/ फ़िज़ा.
Now for me, one of the most touching love stories, The Lunchbox :
Ila gets the address of Saajan's office only to learn from Sheikh that he has already retired and headed to Nashik. She writes a last farewell message to Saajan announcing that she has decided to leave Rajeev and move to Bhutan with her young daughter. Meanwhile, Saajan changes his mind and returns to Mumbai. The film ends with Ila waiting for her daughter to return from school and Saajan heading to her house with the dabbawala who regularly picked up and delivered the eponymous lunchbox.
I have purposefully, omitted the stereotypical Bollywood dances that everyone expects.
Hollywood is a starkly different way of expressing love. Love is not the main thing Hollywood does. There is a lot of wide genre of movies with a drizzle of love here and there (Bollywood is evolving now too as is Love in India)
The flagship of this genre in Hollywood is Titanic
The stern slams back onto the ocean, upends again and sinks. In the freezing water, Jack helps Rose onto a wood transom panel among the debris, buoyant enough only for one person, and makes her promise to survive. Jack dies of cold shock, but Rose is among six people saved by the one returning lifeboat. RMS Carpathia rescues the survivors. Rose avoids Cal and her mother by hiding among the steerage passengers and giving her name as Rose Dawson. Still wearing Cal's overcoat, she discovers the necklace tucked inside the pocket.
The next amazing love story is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Joel wakes up, his memories of Clementine erased. He impulsively goes to Montauk and meets Clementine on the train home. They are drawn to each other and go on a date to the frozen Charles River in Boston. Joel drives Clementine home and Patrick sees them, realizing they have found each other again. Joel and Clementine receive their Lacuna records and listen to their tapes. They are shocked by the bitter memories they had of each other and almost separate again but agree to try again.
The last one, which I have had the fortune to enact on stage, is Love Actually.
Jamie returns to England, realises he is in love with Aurélia and begins learning Portuguese. He returns to France to find her and ends up walking through town with her father and sister, gathering additional people as they walk to her waitressing job. In basic, and often grammatically incorrect, Portuguese, he declares his love for her and proposes. She says yes in broken English, showing she too had been studying English "just in cases", as the crowd erupts in applause.
One can understand that how love is expressed is different based on the affordances provided by the culture. Some cultures make love more subtle and slow, while some make it fast and performative. Some focus on separation and pain, while some on moving on. These stories are very human and tied closely to culture.
Look, I am not an expert on this topic. I am just an observer. I like to watch people play with fire. I try to stay away from it. Sometimes you do get the fire on you. To be honest, I am afraid. The writing of this post was triggered by anxiety caused by some recent encounters and thoughts. I use writing as a means of understanding myself.
Sometimes you fall in love, and then these thoughts flow. These thoughts are obsessive, and often painful. Pain that they trigger from past obsessions and mistakes. Anxiety from in-action and fear from the result of action. What is the protocol in this culture? Should a call be made? Humanity's misunderstanding of love when combined with the content production industry creates more confusion. Modern "technologically mediated" love is just a layer on that misunderstanding with aims to create an economy out of it.
In the end, it is a very personal experience.
In the end, it is all suffering.